Bucko and Bush: An Interview With the Former President

Q. Mr. President (I said to George W. Bush), I am going to be asking you several questions about the interrogation policies you established during your presidency. If at any time you do not understand my question, or would like it repeated, I would request that you let me know and I will gladly rephrase or repeat it. Okay?

A. Okay Bucko. You don't mind if I call you Bucko do you? I like to give people nick names to develop a spirit of camaraderie. Also, I meet so many people that it is hard to remember their names, so I just pick a nick name and try to remember the nickname based on something I can see in the person. At first, I was going to call you Baldy, but that might have been rude. I remember the time . . .

Q. Mr. President, let me interrupt.

A. You lawyers are so damn serious. You don't want to hear about the nickname I came up with for Cheney?

Q. Sir, I would like to ask a question about the interrogation policies established by your administration. . .

A. Fire away Bucko. By the way, do you want me to tell you how I came up with the nick name Bucko?

Q. I expect you'll tell me anyway.

A. I looked into your eyes. I know you're a lawyer. Deep in those eyes I can see that you are interested in money, big bucks. That's how I did it, Bucko. Now can we get started? I've got to go for a bike ride in a few minutes.

Q. While you were president, you stated publicly that "America does not torture." What did you mean by that in light of the fact that waterboarding and other tactics were approved by your administration as a means of interrogation tactics?

A. I looked through all those memos everybody is in such an uproar about. I didn't find the word 'torture' appearing anyplace. Did you?

Q. Mr. President, calling a pig a dog doesn't make it a dog.

A. What's your point? You didn't find the word 'torture' anywhere and you try to change the subject rather than answer my question. You lawyers are all alike.

Q. With all due respect, Mr. President, I don't believe you have answered my question.

A. You don't get it, do you Bucko? I am the president. If I say something that's the way it is. If I say we don't torture, we don't torture. Period. Now let me tell you why Cheney's nickname is 'Whacko' . . .